apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize