after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
