A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
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