I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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