I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
My dick has a subreddit
I pour the whiskey from now on
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
