Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
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