she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
