I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
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