chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
