He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Randomize
