Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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