All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
you had me at cake vodka
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
Randomize
