Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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