The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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