Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
