Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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