Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Randomize
