he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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