Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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