Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize