I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
