Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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