I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
love makes seman taste better
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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