Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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