Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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