Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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