I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
