Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
