Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
