Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Randomize