Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Randomize