Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
