Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
