you turned your livingroom into a bong?
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
