Yo dont text me then not text me
oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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