I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
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