I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
