Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
