i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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