Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
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