Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
