It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
