I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
