these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
tell me about the eggs
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
