Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
