forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
It's official drugs can't kill me
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
