Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
