Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
Randomize
