i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Randomize
