Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
