there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
