we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
