just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
