Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
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