Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Randomize