I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
