If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
