did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize