3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize
