That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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