Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
You expect me to find someone in two days who I feel comfortable enough with to ask them to get drunk and go play in foam with me?
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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