I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Randomize