how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize