So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
