I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
