Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Randomize
