How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
