So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
