I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
