we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
