I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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