its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
