I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Randomize
