you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
