Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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