Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
The last thing I remember is yelling "ill handle this" while wearing a lion suit and holding a jug of vodka when the RAs came
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
