DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
